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Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash was a 6 issue comic book miniseries released from November 2007 to March 2008. It was written by James Kuhoric and Jeff Katz, illustrated by Jason Craig and published by WildStorm and Dynamite Entertainment. The miniseries is a crossover between the A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th and Evil Dead franchises.

Official Summaries

  • Issue 1: In the bloody wake of the hit movie Freddy vs. Jason, Freddy Krueger finds himself clinging to the last shred of fear that allows him to exist... inside the demented mind of Jason Voorhees. Unwillingly bonded together, the murderous pair must seek out the Necronomicon, the only solution to their mutual torment. Nothing can stop this unholy alliance - except the wisecracking, chainsaw-wielding Ash, aimed at destroying the Book of the Dead once and for all!
  • Issue 2: Heads will fly as Jason and Freddy lay siege to Crystal Lake's newest S-Mart, where Ash and the rest of the gang guard the Necronomicon with their very lives. Will Freddy free himself from his hellish prison, or will Ash finally fulfill his destiny? It's a machete-swinging, boomstick-firing brawl as only Wildstorm and Dynamite can deliver!
  • Issue 3: The madness continues! Freddy manipulates Jason into battling Ash for the Necronomicon... and if Jason gets it, Freddy will once more be free to wreak havoc! Co-published with Dynamite Entertainment.
  • Issue 4: The ultimate bloodbath continues as Ash must face Freddy for the first time in the nightmare realm! Can even the Chosen One stop the Springwood Slasher now that he has the Necronomicon and has the power to warp reality outside the dream world? The Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash comics event rockets you along a rollercoaster ride of over-the-top horror and classic movie-monster murder! Hail to the horror kings, baby! Co-published with Dynamite Entertainment.
  • Issue 5: The Necronomicon's demonic passages freed Freddy from the black hole of Jason's subconscious and granted him the power to manipulate reality just like the dreamscape. Jason is being dragged down by hundreds of zombies - victims - from his reign of slaughter. And Ash is stuck in the middle trying desperately to get the book, say the words, and send the two monsters back to hell.
  • Issue 6: Freddy, Jason, and Ash face off for possession of The Necronomicon and a chance to either save the world or send it straight to hell! It all ends here - and only one of the three will walk away from the movie monster fight of the century! Co-published with Dynamite Entertainment.

Plot

On December 2008, Lori Campbell and Will Rollins return to Camp Crystal Lake seeking confirmation that Freddy and Jason are truly dead. After splitting to investigate further. Lori discovers blood in a tree and hears a loud sound coming from a nearby house. She enters the house only to find Will gutted on the balcony. As Lori cries, Jason approaches. She flees upstairs to the attic and grabs a saw to defend herself, slicing into Jason's back before throwing him through the window. When attempting to exit the house, Lori is met by Jason, who abruptly shoves his machete into her face and drags her back into the house. Outside the house, Freddy emerges from a sign post and laughs. Meanwhile at The Mega Super Ultra S-Mart, a group of teenage employees were stacking up Christmas ornaments. Raoul dressed up as Santa Claus and replies to Caroline "Hey Caroline wanna suck on my candy cane?". Jarvis replied to him "She's checking on your North Pole huh Raoul?". Caroline then snaps the candy cane and the manager tells her that the candy cane cost $1.95 and he also said that they work on nickels and dimes. He later told them that there's a new employee coming. As he left, the 2 employees put a sign on his back that says "I lick jingle balls". One of them replies "Dude that is so classic!". Meanwhile at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason drags Lori and Will's bodies to his shack where he place Freddy's head next to his mother Pamela Voorhees' head. The heads then disappears and Jason was transported to a dream where his his younger self was tromented by the other campers. He went in one of the cabins where his mother was making out with Freddy. She then tells Jason that if he wants get Freddy out of his mind, he has to go to The Voorhees House to retrieve The Necronomicon Ex-Mortis to make himself a real boy again. Meanwhile Ash parks his car at a parking lot near The S-Mart and he starts walking as Jason watches him from behind a tree.

As Ash is walking to The S-Mart, the manager bumps into him and greets him & welcomes him inside. The 3 girls later walks into the woods and Jason kills 1 named Paris and kills 2 more and the old lady screams loudly which caused Ash to run outside to see what's going on. The old lady shouts "Jason". Ash didn't see Jason anywhere. The cops then arrived and cuffed Ash. Luckily the manager show up and tolds them that Ash was with him when it all happened so the cops uncuffed Ash. Later in The S-Mart, Ash tolds the other employees that the reason he came to Crystal Lake is to destroy The Necronomicon. However they all laughed at him. Later at the break room, Caroline tolds Ash about the history of Jason Voorhees. Ash remebered Jason's name from the old lady outside. Caroline then tells him that over the past 30 years, there have been swarths of killings, copycats and there was also a killer in Manhattan who they thought it might have been Jason. She later tells him that 5 years ago, there's also sights of killings in Springwood and she was only at middle school when it all happened. Raoul and another employee heard all this and decides to prank them. Raoul puts on a hockey mask and puts ketchup on a hockey stick. Ash thinks that Jason Voorhees was some kind of Deadite. Suddenly Raoul emerges from the door and roars. Ash dodges the hockey stick and knocks him over. Another employee told Ash that it's Raoul and it's a joke. Meanwhile Jason was about to go to The Voorhees House to get The Necronomicon, but he gets distracted by carolers and he kills all of them. Later that night, the teens told Ash that they're gonna spend the night at The Voorhees House before it will be torn down. Ash followed the teens to The Voorhees House while Caroline follows him as well. The teens later make out while Ash went downstairs to the basement to retrieve The Necronomicon. Jason then later kills the teens in the living room. He splits one in half and crushes the head of the other one. He kills 2 more through a floor at once. Ash went upstairs and found them all dead. He later found Bree and they bumped into Jason. Ash shoots him with his shotgun and he and Bree escapes in his car, but it won't start.

While Ash is trying to start his car, Jason throws his machete at the car window, but Ash grabs it with his metal hand. He and Bree jumps out the car as Jason smashes it. Ash drops The Necronomicon and Jason tries to get it, but he gets hit by Caroline's minivan and crash into a tree. Ash then takes The Necronomicon and drives away with Caroline. They stopped when they saw Bree. They put her in the minivan and drove off. Freddy berates at Jason for losing The Necronomicon and he grabs something from Jason's brain. He grabs out an S-Mart badge with Ash's name on it. Meanwhile at the back of The S-Mart, Raoul, Dave and the employee were smoking in a VW bus and they heard a minivan stops by. They went outside and saw Ash, Caroline and Bree. They try to hit on her, but Ash stops them. They all went inside and takes Bree to the break room to give her clothes. Ash then tells them that he needs someone to read the translate the words from The Necronomicon to send Jason to The Deadites Dimension and assuming he's a Deadite. Suddenly Jason went inside The S-Mart and he starts killing everyone. He kills a chubby woman and he kills an old man with a shopping cart. The manager then tells Caroline to call the police. Unfortunately Jason grabs his clipboard and kills him. Ash then shoots Jason and says to him "Yo Wayne Deadski. Hockey fan huh?". Jason then throws Ash through a wall and crashed him at a vending machine. Jason then takes The Necronomicon and kills Bree offpage. Ash, Caroline and the 2 employees reunites and found Bree's dead body causing one of the employees to vomit. They all decide to go to the house of Caroline's parents since they're out of town. Meanwhile Jason went to his shack and places The Necronomicon near Freddy's head. The Necronomicon then brought Freddy back to life. Freddy then went to the real world and uses The Necronomicon's powers to make Jason intelligent. Meanwhile at the house, everyone were discussing why Jason needs The Necronomicon. Jarvis said that it must be someone or somebody that is pulling Jaspn's strings. They all decide to sleep for the night so they can go back to The Voorhees House in the morning to retrieve The Necronomicon. Ash tried to stay awake, but he fell asleep. Later in a dream he woke up in the cabin from the first Evil Dead film and sees that his right hand is back. Unfortunately his right hand turns into a Freddy hand as Freddy laughs.

Ash went outside and went inside a tool shed and grabs chainsaw to cut the Freddy hand. His blood drops turns into tiny Freddys and they all became Freddy. He tells Ash that he's not a Deadite. He sends his Freddy hands to attack Ash. Fortunately Ash manages to wake himself up and he wakes up the others. Unfortunately Dave didn't wake up. In his dream, he was killed by The Deadites throwing many dodgeballs at him and thus killing him in the real world. Ash, Caroline and the 2 employees drove to The S-Mart to get weapons. Ash gets a silver chainsaw and the others gets bombs to blow up The Voorhees House. When they all arrived to The Voorhees House, Ash tells all of them don't get killed. Raoul and Jarvis went to the woods with their flashlights on to search for Jason. Raoul tells Jarvis about Jason was like those zombies from some horror flick. Jason then founds them and they both ran to the minivan to hide. Jason then looks at the bag and sees the bombs inside it. Caroline was hiding in her minivan and saw him. Jason then wiggles his finger and starts approaching her. Meanwhile in the basement, Ash founds The Necronomicon. However Freddy weakens him and tells him that he already absorbs The Necronomicon's powers. He then releases orange yellow glowing mists around outside The Voorhees House. This makes Jason pissed and went inside. He tries to kill Freddy, but was attacked by Jason's victims from the past and present day that Freddy has summons them.

Jason tries to get his machete, but a Freddy hand grabs it and impales through him. Freddy notices that The Necronomicon was gone. Meanwhile Ash is running with The Necronomicon. He then gets caught by Deadite possessed trees and crows. He bites 1 crow to death and he cuts the trees with his chainsaw and blasts another crow with his shotgun. He then found the dead bodies of Raoul and the employee. He later found Caroline and they they saw Freddy's head and face as clouds in the sky and they both went inside The Voorhees House. Ash looks at one of The Necronomicon's pages which shows Jason and his mother Pamela. Ash then tolds Caroline that Pamela originally use The Necronomicon to resurrects Jason. He told her to find and read the passage "Klaatu Verata Nekto" to send Freddy and Jason to The Deadite Dimension. They went outside and found themselves at 1428 Elm Street where the 3 girls were singing The Freddy Krueger Nursery Rhyme Theme. Freddy then drags Caroline inside the house and Ash gets attacked by the 3 Deadite possessed girls. He kills all 3 of them and he shoots a Freddy snake with his shotgun. Inside the house, Freddy tries to get The Necronomicon from Bree, but Jason breaks in to fight him. Ash then fights off Freddy and he shoots Jason's mask off with his shotgun revealing his deformed face. Caroline tries to say "Klaatu Verata Nekto" from The Necronomicon, but Jason snatches it from her. Ash then used his chainsaw to slice Jason's arm off to get The Necronomicon. Jason then gets an idea and places his machete in his stump arm. He throws Ash off a window and crashes thus tearing down The Voorhees House.

Caroline tries to wake up Ash, he's still unconscious. Freddy emerges and says to her "Guess we really brought the house down. Aye babe?". Freddy chases after her in an icy lake with shacks. She hides in one of them. Freddy replies "What do we have here? A little game of cat and mouse". He uses The Necronomicons' power to destroy each shack until he found her. He snatches it from her. Jason then fights him. Freddy spews blood at him and freezes him with ice breath. Freddy tells him that when he's done with him, he'll make entire planet his own evil image. Freddy almost says "Klaatu Verata Nektu", but Ash hits him with his car. He beats Freddy up over and over and shoots him in the balls with his shotgun. Jason throws Ash in the icy lake. Freddy duplicates 4 clones of himself, calling them his brothers and names them Freddy. They all fight Jason. Ash manages to get out of the frozen lake. Jason kills all of Freddy's clones. Ash shoots Jason's back thus creating a hole. Jason then throws Ash at Freddy, but Freddy creates a force field to block Ash. Ash tells Caroline to read the damn passage already. Freddy tells Ash that he has whole world of kids waiting for him. Caroline finally reads "Klaatu Verata Nektu" and Freddy shouts "WHAT DID YOU DO!". The portal opens and sucks Freddy and The Necronomicon inside. Ash and Caroline holds onto a tree to avoid from getting sucked in. Jason was able to resist and walks towards them. Ash tries to start up his chainsaw, but it won't start. Ash's car crashes Jason and they both fell into the frozen lake. The portal then closes. The next morning, Ash and Caroline were glad it's all over. The packed their stuffs in their minivan and drove into the sunset. Meanwhile the portal opens and The Necronomicon flew out as it closes. The Necronomicon then lands on the frozen lake above Jason. The Necronomicon opens and it shows Ash and other people preparing to fight Freddy. Jason then opens his eyes.

Quotes

Issue 1

[We open with a clear shot of a cabin with 4 vehicles parked near it as the sun sets]

Ash: [Narrating] This here place is Crystal Lake. The local yokels have taken to calling it "Forest Green" as if changing it's name will erase the things that happen here. Take it from me, there's nothing you can do can take away the nightmares once you've live through them. Nevertheless, they did their best to hide it with new roads, lakeside condos and even a new warehouse sized Super Mega Ultra S-Mart, but getting a good deal on your housewares won't cover up the blood that's been spilt here. See Crystal Lake is the birthplace of an evil so foul it even gives The Deadites a run for their money and right down the street the worst nightmare imaginable was dreamed up.

[We cut to the scenes from Freddy vs Jason]

Ash: [Narrating] Jason Voorhees--unstoppable, unkillable and unsanitary and Freddy Krueger--child murderer, dream monster and cursed to spend eternity wearing Bing Crosby's mothballed holiday wardrobe and it was here at this little summer camp slip and slide that these 2 hack and slash horrors met their own bloody endings, but not before their grudge match damn near tore Crystal Lake and Springwood to the ground. Shame. It seemed like a nice place except for the nightmare kid killer and the mutant camp slasher down the street. So much for the property values in Freakville huh?

[We cut to Lori and Will in their car]

Laurie: Come on Will.

Ash: [Narrating] This little princess and the fresh pauper were the only 2 kids to escape the massacre. You'd think they'd be smart enough to go as far away from here as possible and never look back.

Laurie: You haven't said 2 words to me in the last hour. You still love me right?

Ash: [Narrating] I mean what kind of fucking idiots keep coming back to the cabin in the woods when they know a bunch of possessed horrors were waiting to swallow their souls? Never mind.

Will: I'm sorry. Of course I love you Laurie. I just this is really bad idea.

[Lori sees Jason's mask written in red paint on a prize sign near a worker]

Will: We survived. Coming back here just feels wrong.

Lori: I can't turn my back on this. Something inside me keeps telling me that Freddy and Jason aren't dead. I have to know Will. I have to make sure they're gone for good. This is it. Sure it has changed since.

Will: Let's get over this quickly. I want to be on the road again long before nightfall. I know you think I'm crazy, but this is something I have to do. Something we have to do. It was our bond that kept us alive through it all and that bond has made us even stronger since. [Sighs] Alright let's look around.

[They both separated from each other to investigate. Lori stops by at a tree]

Lori: What is that? Is that blood? Jason?

[Suddenly she hears chuff noise from an abandoned house]

Lori: What? Oh god. Will.

[She rushes towards the house]

Lori: NO! WILL! WHERE ARE YOU WILL!

[She went inside the house and found Will gutted on a balcony]

Lori: WIIILLLL!

[Lori began to cry in tears]

Lori: This can't be. We survived. We beat Freddy and Jason. Oh Will.

[Suddenly Jason shows up approaching Lori and she saw him]

Lori: NO!

[Jason tries swing his machete at her, but she dodges]

Lori: YAAAHH!

[She ran away from him, but he throws a large metal pole at her shoulder]

Lori: AIEEE!

[She removed the pole from her shoulder]

Lori: [Chuffing]

[Lori ran upstairs as Jason walks after her]

Ash: [Narrating] Once you've stared down and cheated The Grim Reaper your life changes.

[Lori then trips over]

Lori: Oh. Will. I'm gonna kill them Will.

Ash: [Narrating] Do it more than once while you watch everyone you know get turned inside out like bloody sock puppets and you start to get down a very dangerous path.

Lori: I'M GONNA MAKE YOU BOTH PAY!

Ash: [Narrating] You think "Why me? Why was I special?, Why was I spared and no one else?".

Lori: COME ON YOU BASTARD!

Ash: [Narrating] Then it hits you. The only reason this could be is because you were "chosen" to survive.

Lori: [Chuffing]

Ash: [Narrating] You were "chosen" to free the rabble from the terrors of the monster of the week.

Lori: Come on. Come. Come on.

Ash: [Narrating] You were "chosen" to be the hero and save the day.

Lori: There.

[She picks up a skillsaw]

Lori: I actually felt sorry for you what Freddy did to you, what those sadistic kids and irresponsible camp counselors did to you, BUT YOU JUST KEPT KILLING! YOU JUST KEEP TAKING AND TAKING AND TAKING!

[Lori slices Jason with the skillsaw]

Lori: WHEN WILL IT BE ENOUGH JASON! WHEN WILL IT BE ENOUGH YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Ash: [Narrating] And with all those faceless schmoes out there counting on you to do what "chosen ones" do you start to believe in.

[Lori pushes Jason out the window fell on the ground]

Ash: [Narrating] Maybe you can do it. "Why not?". Maybe you are that special one that has "the please screw up my life with this destiny-has-picked-to-be-a-hero gene" and this is just part of fate's master plan for you.

Lori: Finish it. I have to finish it before he can kill again. We survived. It was our destiny. Oh Will.

[Lori tries to open the door, but Jason opens it]

Lori: AHHH!

Ash: [Narrating] Or not.

[Jason hits machete through Lori's face causing her to drop the skillsaw]

Ash: [Narrating] Sorry kid. You were a trooper, but there's only 1 Chosen One and for better or worse it's me. God knows I've spent enough time trying to talk people out of believing in me, but in the end, you can't outrun fate, plain and simple.

[Lori fell on the floor, Jason then cracks his neck and drags her inside the house. Freddy then emerges his head from a sign outside the door]

Freddy: Ah-ha-hahahahaha!

[Meanwhile at The S-Mart]

Customer #1: [Sighs]

Employee #1: Price check from housewares register 5.

[She speaks through the speakers around The S-Mart]

Employee #1: Come on. We need a price check here. Price check. Fucking price check. Is anyone in the housewares?

Customer #2: I don't want a snowman with 3 balls. I don't want a snowman with 4 balls. I DON"T WANT A SNOWMAN WITH 2 BALLS!

Dave: I understand sir, but this housewares department. Not seasonal. You need to go to aisle 2 to get a snowman with balls.

[Raoul dressed as Santa Claus and holding a large candy cane]

Raoul: Hey Caroline wanna suck on my candy cane?

Jarvis: She's checkin on your North Pole. Huh Raoul? Hahahaha!

[Caroline then grabs the candy cane]

Dave: Put it away Raoul you fucking pig.

Caroline: It's all right Davey. I can handle this jolly little elf. So you want me to play with your little candy stick huh? I should warn you I play rough.

[Caroline then snaps the candy cane in half]

Raoul: Oh damn girl. You broke my candy you bitch.

The Manager: That $1.95 is coming out of your paycheck. We work on nickels and dimes here in the retail business. Sell a widget to make a nickel. Sell 2 to make a dime. Your little pubescent skit just cost S-Mart 39 of the nickels we worked so hard to earn. You 4 are a disgrace to S-Mart. Look around you. These shoppers were here for S-Mart Slasher Seasonal Super Savings. Not to watch a pack of high school slackers sow their idiotic brand of stupidity while willfully damaging store property. With the holidays around the corner and The Forest Green Renaming Ceremony to take place at this location, we've decided to call in an expert. The senior housewares domestic engineer from The Detroit Store is on his way here tonight.

[Raoul and the employee puts a sign that says "I lick jingle balls" on the manager's back without him noticing]

The Manager: He'll show you a thing or 2 about taking pride in your work and how to stack a proper waffle iron pyramid. Now get back to work before I have your pay docked for screwing off.

[The manager walked away as Raoul and the employee fist pump each other]

Raoul: Dock this dickhead.

Jarvis: Dude that is so classic. Ha!

Dave: "Domestic engineer?". What do you think that was all about?

Caroline: Yeah that's just what we need another jackass S-Mart manager type with a clip board and small dick syndrome.

[Meanwhile Jason drags Lori and Will's bodies to his shack where he places Freddy's head next to his mother Pamela Voorhees' head. Suddenly the heads disappears]

Jason: [?]

[Later Jason was teleported to a dream version of Camp Crystal Lake in 1957 where his younger self was tormented by the campers]

The Campers: Freak freak freak!

Male Camp Counselor: Yeah baby. Oh yeah.

Female Camp Counselor: Uhnn-oh-oh-oh-uhh!

[Jason then spots a moving cabin]

Pamela: Oh yeah yeah yeah AAAOOO!

Freddy: Give it to me baby. GIVE IT TO ME!

[Jason went inside the cabin where his mother was making out with Freddy]

Pamela: AAAAHHH!

Freddy: I'm riding you like a 2 dollar bus to screwville bitch.

[Freddy turns around and sees Jason]

Freddy: Hey hey hey there sonny boy. What gives you the backdoor treatment? That's no way to treat his new daddy now is it Pammy?

Pamela: Jason my baby boy you need a need a daddy. He'll make sure no one picks on you anymore. Besides this is all in your head dear. All in the peanut sized rotted meat you call a brain, but there is a way to help get Freddy out of your empty noggin and gives you what you've always wanted. What you've always coveted my dear. To be a normal little boy. You need to go back to our old house and find a very special book. It's buried deep in the cellar. The Necronomicon Ex-Mortis. The Book of The Dead. Written in blood on the fleshy pages. You'll find the passages that can rid you of Freddy for good and give my little boy a chance to play with the other kid campers instead of being tormented by them. You want that do you Jason dear? Then go Jason. Get to our old house near Crystal Lake and find The Necronomicon. Free Freddy from your mind prison and give yourself a second chance.

[We cut to a car driving in the road]

Ash: [Narrating] That's where I come in. Course I had no idea at this point that these 2 legendary murderers were in my immediate future. Hell I had no idea that The Necronomicon was using it's supernatural influence draw me into this mess at all. The name's Ash housewares domestic engineer, Detroit S-Mart and I am The Chosen One. It wasn't always this way. I had a real life once. A long time in an S-Mart far, far away, but all that is ancient history just like The Romans and the pyramids.

[Ash parked his car in a parking lot]

I've only got 2 things in life that matter to me. Cutting any dumbass Deadites that gets in my way into handy buriable bits.

Ash: [Narrating] And destroying that damned book.

[Ash walked towards The S-Mart as Jason watches him from behind a tree]

[End of Issue 1]

Issue 2

Ash: [Narrating] Crystal Lake. Home of the Super Ultra Mega S-Mart warehouse store. "Shop smart, shop S-Mart" right? Yeah right and now it's also home to yours truly. The suits that sent me here to clean up The Housewares Department. I'm here for another calling. Employee of The Month again. Sure I'm a shoo-in. Name one another retail clerk that can take down a possessed shopper with a can opener and a tin of car wax.

[Ash bumps into 3 girls]

Ash: Hello ladies. Name's Ash, but you can call "Anytime".

Girl #1: OMG! I think he was staring right at your chest Paris.

Ash: Oh baby doll you got a sugar granddaddy just waiting for you.

[The manager bumps into Ash]

Ash: Huh?

The Manager: Ahem. Mr. Ash J. Williams I presume.

Ash: Yeah that's me. You fellas ordered up a pro right? I'm your ma--

[The manager interrupts him]

The Manager: Apparently they don't value punctuality at The Detroit Store, but we here at Super Ultra Mega S-Mart are held to a higher standard. We've already wasted 7 minutes out here on consumer tarmac. Let's get inside and straighten out the housewares department. We've only got 12 days until the rededication of this community as Forest Green. In that time, we have to get through the holiday rush and the return season. No easy task for a rookie crew that's where you come in.

[Ash and the manager walked inside The S-Mart. Paris and the 2 girls walk towards the woods]

Paris: Please. Like I'd ride discount store Elvis back there. He's so 20th Century.

[Jason was watching Paris and the 2 girls behind a tree. The girls' faces change into Freddy's face]

Freddy Girl #1: Tee-hee-hee look at me. Such ripe breasts. Such around ass. I know I'm just a whore waiting to screw the next camp counselor in tight 70's shorts.

Freddy Paris: I'll ride anyone, but Jason that little faggot would rather poke a pig than a girl. Uh oh think we struck a nerve girls.

[Jason then slices Paris with his machete]

Paris: Urgk.

Girl #1: AIIIEEEE!

Girl #2: PARIS!

[Jason grabs them by their heads]

Girl #1: NO! NO! NOOOOO!

Girl #2: HEEEELLLP!

[Jason crushes their heads to each other]

Girl #2: Ahhhp.

The Old Lady: AIIIEEEE!

[Meanwhile inside The S-Mart, the manager introduced Ash to the other employees]

The Manager: All right people this is Ash Williams. He's the new sheriff in houseware--what he says goes. This is the housewares crew--Raoul, Jarvis, Dave and Caroline.

[Suddenly they heard the old lady screams]

The Old Lady: AIIEEEE!

The Manager: SECURITY!

[Ash then rushed outside]

The Manager: Williams?

[Ash runs outside and found the old lady sitting on the snow. Her groceries were dropped on the snowy ground]

The Old Lady: Juuuh.

Ash: What wrong? What happened?

The Old Lady: Juhhh... Juhhh. Jason!

Ash: Blood. This ain't good.

[Suddenly the cops show up]

Ash: Cops... great.

[The cop then chuffed Ash. Luckily the manager show up outside]

The Manager: No officer. Mr. Williams is standing next to me in the housewares department when this occurred. I can unequivocally confirm that he is innocent. So please for the last time, could you let him go?

[The cop then uncuffed Ash]

The Cop: All right punk. I know your type. "Mr. Fancy Pants" from the big city. Well we ain't in "Mayburry" here boy. I'll be watching you. Keep your nose clean or i'll be back to clean it for you.

Ash: Yeah maybe you oughta worry about cleaning your own nose Major Bush Lip.

[Ash walked back inside The S-Mart as the cop is talking to the manager]

The Cop: You watch that one. He's got a history of showing up right when things start to go to hell. Awful convenient if you ask me.

[Meanwhile inside The S-Mart, Ash is stacking up toaster boxes]

Ash: Who the hell put this pyramid together? Stupid kids don't know a waffle iron stack from a water pick mountain. Amateurs.

Caroline: What was all the commotion about out there?

Ash: It's bad news sweet cheeks. The old bag kept muttering under her breath and I'm pretty certain there was fresh blood that officer portly completely missed. Seems like the devil done comes to town and he's looking for some souls to steal. Listen up. You kids think you've got everything figured out don'cha? Skip school, do a little grab-ass and hang out smoking whatever under the bleachers after work right? Well I got news for you. The world is a cesspool full of crap you never want to look in the eye. There are things your testicle sized brains can't even comprehend. Things like The Deadites and ancient Kandarian demons that want to turn you inside out and wear your flesh like a full body condom. You wouldn't the places I've gone, screwed up monsters I've seen and things I've had to dismember. That's why I came here to Super Ultra Mega Craptown to Crystal Lake to get the damned book The Necronomicon Ex-Mortis and finish off those Deadites once and for all.

[The other employees laughs at him]

Raoul: Yo pops you are seriously effed in your head. Why don't you take your bullshit stories and stick em up your ass with what's left in your dignity.

Jarvis: Yeah man. Hey we got a sale this week in the book department. Maybe you can get "The Book of The Demented" on price slashing special.

Ash: Laugh while you can kids 'cause The Deadites' idea of a joke is killing all your friends while you stand by and watch it happened. I'm taking a break.

[Later in the break room, Caroline meets up with Ash]

Caroline: They don't mean anything by it you know? It's just their way of dealing with stuff here.

Ash: Yeah whatever. Look Carrie right? I've seen this happen before. In the end, there's a whole lot of blood and a bunch of heartache.

Caroline: Is all that true? You know about demons and damned books?

Ash: I wish it wasn't babe, but it's true. I've been fighting these blighted spirits for years. Ever since they took my girl Linda and decided to make me their own personal stress doll.

Caroline: And what happened to your hand?

Ash: More Deadite tricks. They got into my hand and it went bad. I had to lop it off at the wrist. I used The Necronomicon to send them away, but I ended up getting sucked back into the past with them. I made this contraption in The Middle Ages. I could've been king, but that wasn't where I belonged. So I said the magic words, drank the juice and ended up back here, but it didn't end there. The Deadites followed me back and I've been trying to finish them off ever since. That's the life of "The Chosen One" I guess. Still think I wasn't chosen for anything, but to be fate's red headed stepchild.

Caroline: God it seems so impossible and crazy, but with the Jason Voorhees legend around here, I guess we've had our share of demons.

Ash: Jason? That's what the old bag in the parking lot kept saying.

[Raoul and Jarvis heard everything Ash and Caroline said]

Caroline: Jason Voorhees was a boy who drowned a Camp Crystal Lake back in the 50's, but he came back from the grave to take his revenge on camp counselors whose negligence caused his death.

Ash: Right undead kid came back to off slacker punks. That's got Deadite written all over it baby and where there are Deadites The Necronomicon can't be far behind.

Caroline: They say he manifests as a possessed hulking figure wearing a hockey mask and using a machete to kill anyone that gets in his way. Over the past 30 years, there has been swarths of killings attributed to him or copycats. There was also a killer in Manhattan they thought it might have been Jason, but it's been quiet since the high school killings 5 years back. I was still in middle school, but I remember hearing a Jason copycat killing a bunch of kids in Springwood.

[Raoul puts on a hockey mask and Jarvis puts ketchup on a hockey stick]

Raoul: More "blood" man. Dis is Jason we're doin' up. Gotta look good for "easy reader' in there.

Ash: All right you can put away the beaver scout cookies. I'm sold. Let's get up to The Voorhees House and find that book.

[Suddenly Raoul emerges from the door, roars and charges them]

Raoul: RAHHHH!

Ash: WHAT THE HELL!

Caroline: AHHHHHHH!

Ash: GET DOWN!

Raoul: OOOGA-OOOGA--AAAARRR!

[Raoul tries to hit with hockey stick, but he grabbed it with his metal hand]

Ash: Hey hockey putz you you wanna dance huh? All right let's dance! YEEHAA!

[Ash kicked Raoul into a table and fell on the floor]

Raoul: OOOF!

[Jarvis grabbed behind Ash]

Jarvis: What're you doin'? Stop it you'll kill him! It's Raoul! It was a joke man! Get offa him!

Raoul: Urk... helkak-p!

Ash: WHAT! A joke? You stupid ass clowns could have ended up dead.

Raoul: Get this freak nut offa me!

Jarvis: Psycho loser! Jason ain't real ya dumb ass! He died years ago if he was ever even a real person and not just some boogeyman dreamed up by sick screws.

Raoul: Let's get out of here.

[The manager then show up in the break room]

The Manager: What's all the commotion? I've got customers saying it sounds like someone's getting killed in here.

Caroline: See ya around Ash.

The Manager: Hockey mask and stick cost $39. Quicksmart Toaster Oven cost $42.

Ash: Yeah yeah. Pencilneck night manager with a clipboard and wage-docking slip. Priceless.

[Meanwhile at Jason's shack, Jason nails Paris on his wall. He has a dream of his younger self sitting next to Freddy near a bondfire and reading The Necronomicon]

Freddy: Alright you had your fun with the bubblegum bitches. Now you have to do a favor for daddy. Go get The Necronomicon and we'll have a little "father and son" story time. You know just me and you. Come on you can't read it yourself you know. Unless you were to get the book and let me make you smart, but until then, sit your oversized retarded cancerous noggin down here and let me read it you. I call this little tale T'was The Nightmare Beyond Elm Street. It's a real holiday killer.

[Freddy then laughs. Jason walks outside and founds a "Danger Do Not Enter" sign. Suddenly he heard someone speaking]

Jason: [...?]

The Conductor: You ready? Let's try it again from the top. I want this to be perfect. That means no screeching on the high notes Shelly and no droppings into flat Keith. Ready a 1 and a 2 and a... huh?

[Suddenly Jason kills a woman with a "Danger Do Not Enter" sign through her back]

Keith: AAAHHHH! OH GOD JENNY!

[Jason then throws Jenny and the sign through the conductor and kills him. He then slices the heads of Keith, Shelly and the caroler. Meanwhile at The S-Mart, an employee slices a wooden stump with a silver chainsaw]

Ash: Whoaaa. Chain Lightning. That's a cut above the rest.

Caroline: Hey were you a beaver scout boy? 'Cause you look like you're ready for everything. You gonna just stand there or you gonna show Bree your big saw? Hehehe. I'm taking a little "camping" trip and I need some supplies. I already packed my g-strings and other goodies. Can you help me fill my box with your wares?

Ash: Well I'm not really an outdoor supplies specialist, but I do know my way around the cabin. That oughta do it. Everything you need for a cozy in the wild.

Caroline: Oh baby it's so much stuff and I don't have any cash on me. I guess i'll have to skip the trip until I can pay for all this.

Ash: You know it's just about the end of my shift anyway. How about I take care of this and with my ahem "executive employee discount" and I can help you set up with all this stuff?

Caroline: Yeah baby. That sounds just groovy.

[Ash then puts all the stuffs in a red car]

Ash: Nice car Bree. Say where are we heading for this little expedition?

[The 4 teens went inside the red car]

Teen #1: "We" are going to spend the night in The Voorhees House before they'll tear it down. "You" are gonna take your Jurassic ass back in the store beat off to dreams of what I'll be tappin tonight. Later Bitchy Boy! Hahahahaha!

[The teens drove away and 1 of them shoves the middle finger at Ash]

Ash: Stick that silver spoon up your ass frat boy man. I hate punk kids. Looks like it's just you and me again. Quart of oil and a 6 pack should do it?

[The teens arrives at The Voorhees House]

Teen #1: Ewww. Voorhees Casa Central. I can't believe you worked that fossil into buying all the equipment for us. You don't even have to swallow the tadpole. That guy must have been desperate.

Bree: That's right when you've got tits like mine, you only have to tease --boys'll do just about anything if they think they might get a taste.

[The teens went inside The Voorhees House]

Furious: Come 'Ere' Becka. Forget about tadpoles. I wanna see if you can swallow a big mouth ass.

Becka: Furious you're so crude. Sides I've been your "bass" already and it's more like a guppy.

Bree: Let's find some place quiet before he starts yelling.

Furious: Gonna make you scream for that one whore.

Becka: Well I'm gonna make you weep bastard. Mmmmm.

Furious: Uh-uh-uhn! Come on baby. Come on.

[Furious and Becka did not notice Jason watching them from a window. Meanwhile outside Ash is in his car and he don't notice Caroline following him behind]

Ash: Great. Just great. The floozy and her friends are here. Let's get this over with.

Caroline: What are you doing out here by yourself Ash? You're going to get yourself killed and I'll never get out of this nowhereburg.

[Ash went into the basement]

Ash: Uhn. Necronomicon 101. It's always in the fruit cellar. Goddamned book.

[Ash walked into the basement and Jason walks into the living room]

Becka: Uhn-uhn-uhn. Ahhh!

Ash: Sure sure it's okay. Ash is down here with the spiders and the ornamental skeletal critters while they're up having an orgy. Yeah life's real fair. Stay in school kids. You could end up successful too like me.

[Jason then grabs Becka off from Furious at the couch]

Furious: WHAT THE FUCK!

Becka: AAHHHH! FURIOUS HELP ME!

[Jason splits Becka in half]

Becka: Uhh-urk.

[Jason grabs Furious' head and crushes it]

Furious: Oh-ga-ga-gahhhnn! AAARPB!

Ash: Come on where the hell is... aha. Got a talking book made out of flesh? No problem--just bury it in the earthen floor of the fruit cellar. Classic.

[Jason prepares to kill Bree and the teen]

Bree: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ohhh. AAAAHH!

[Ash grabs The Necronomicon]

Ash: Gotcha!

[He sees a machete went through the basement ceiling with blood]

Ash: Criminy!

[Ash rushed upstairs]

Ash: Bree!

[He found the teen's dead body]

Ash: Oof! Looks like you were the one getting nailed pal.

[He found Furious' dead body]

Ash: Bree! Bree where you!

[He runs faster]

Ash: Oh crap.

[Ash and Bree bumped into each other]

Ash and Bree: AHHH!

Caroline: Dead. All dead. He killed them all.

Ash: Mmmm yeah I see, but we're not.

[Suddenly Jason shows up]

Ash: Come on!

Bree: Oh God he's back! Behind you!

[Jason swings his machete at Ash, but misses]

Ash: Whoa! Get to the car!

[Ash shoots Jason with his shotgun]

Ash: EAT THIS!

[Ash and Bree went to his car]

Ash: COME ON!

[Ash tried to start his car, but it won't start]

Ash: NO NO NO! NOT NOW! COME ON YOU PIECE OF SHIT START!

Bree: WE TO GET OUT OF HERE!

[Jason then walks out of his old house]

Ash: START DAMN IT START!

[End of Issue 2]

Issue 3

Ash: [Narrating] Big boy there isn't just a pissed off trick or treater a couple months late for Halloween. My guess is he's a Deadite manifestation determined not to let yours truly get his metal mitt on The Book of The Dead again.

Ash: Start! Come on START!

Ash: [Narrating] This goon already slices his way through a group of sex crazed punks and now wants to get the book over my dead body.

[Jason throws his machete at Ash's car]

Ash: [Narrating] Well Slap Shop The Slasher here is going to find out 2 things about me Ashley J. Williams today. The first is I need a new car. Damned starter and B I don't die easily.

[Ash grabbed the machete with his metal hand]

Ash: Woah!

Ash: [Narrating] At least so far.

Ash: Bree Bree! Calm Down!

Bree: He's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill us just like he did to them! He's gonna kill us!

[Ash and Bree jumps out of his car as Jason smashes it. Ash then fell on the ground and drops The Necronomicon]

Ash: Oof!

[Jason grabs Ash by the neck]

Ash: Urk!

[Caroline then hits Jason with her minivan and he crashes into a tree]

Caroline: Hurry get in!

Ash: Carrie?

[Ash grabbed The Necronomicon and went on Caroline's minivan and drove off]

Ash: How did you I'd be here?

Caroline: I followed you. I knew you'd go after the book and something told me you'd need it.

Ash: You could have gotten killed like those kids back there, but you've got guts baby I'll give tha--

[They saw Bree in front of the driveway]

Ash: --Look out!

[They stopped the minivan]

Bree: Uhnn... Dead...All dead...dead.

Ash: Come on Bree. Get in the car. That monster is still out there.

[They all drove away]

Ash: All right we've got 2 problems that need solving and we can't do either out here. Let's get our asses back to The S-Mart so we can find a way to get rid of these Deadite monsters once and for all.

Freddy: No no no NOOOOOO! It's so simple even a brain dead invlaid could do it! What the hell's your excuse! Let's go over it again shall we? Today's lesson is "Quit screwing around and get me the goddamned book".

[Freddy puts one of his claws on young Jason's head]

Freddy: Hello McFag you in there? Helloooo? The porch light is in, but no freaks are home.

Young Jason: Uhn-huh-uhn.

[Freddy slices young Jason's head with one of his claws]

Young Jason: Uhn...uh...uh...AHHHHHH!

Freddy: Oh what am I gonna do? No one's answering the door. Guess i'll have to just let myself in and look around.

[Freddy opens young Jason's head exposing his brain. Freddy sticks his hand into it]

Freddy: Hmmm. Lots of room in here. I could put in a hot tub. Say... what's this little gem?

[Freddy pulls out a name tag from young Jason's brain]

Freddy: Ash Williams. S-Mart clerk. Well if Mr. Minimum Wage has my book, I guess we'll just have to go to this S-Mart and put in a special order. Now go get my fucking book and kill everyone that gets in your way!

[Meanwhile at the back of The S-Mart, Raoul, Jarvis and Dave were smoking in a VW bus]

Raoul: Come on Davy Boy. What's your problem man? It's just a joint.

Jarvis: Man dis is a bad idea Holmes. Davy here's a narc man.

Dave: I'm not a narc ass. I just don't like the idea of not being in control of my faculties.

Raoul: Whatever Wally White Bread. No wonder Caroline thinks you're playin' for the other team. Jus' leaves more for me an' my boy Jarv.

[Suddenly they heard Caroline's minivan stops by. They got out of the VW bus and saw Ash, Caroline and Bree]

Dave: Caroline? What the hell is going on?

Caroline: Dave it's it's Jason Voorhees. He's real and he's after us.

Dave: Jason? Jason Voorhees?

[Jarvis then looks at Bree]

Jarvis: Woah. hey there babe. You lookin for some action? You come to da right place.

Ash: Back off cassa-numb-nuts. Can't you see the girl's in shock? She just saw her friends get butchered--something tells me she isn't interested in your pencil prick right now! Come on Bree. Let's get you inside and cleaned up.

Raoul: What the hell old man? You want a piece of me tough guy? I'll take your geriatric housewares ass and leave your remains on the curbside.

Jarvis: Yeah man!

Ash: Look punks. There were Deadites here and 1 with a hockey mask that shredded 3 high school assclowns like you with a steak knife. So why don't you put your blue ball testosterone bullshit away and make yourselves useful? 'Cause that thing in the woods was still out there and it's coming to turn you into jock tartar.

Caroline: Shut up! Just shut up all of you! Quit waving your cocks around--we're not impressed. We need to work together if we want to survive.

Raoul: Whatever bitch. You and senior-discount-days are out of your fucking minds. Come on Jarvis there's some chicks in the lingerie department that want some hot young dicks waved around.

[They all went inside The S-Mart and takes Bree to the break room to give her clothes]

Caroline: Here Bree. Let's get you into something clean.

Ash: There's got to be something in here we can use. The damned thing's fulla passages and verses and screwed up rituals. We need to find a bookworm type to help translate this crap. I know some of it, but to have a real chance of figuring it out I'd need time to really read it or coax an answer out of it. Carrie? What's wrong what are you...

[They all saw Jason went inside The S-Mart]

Ash: ...Looking at?

Customer #3: What the--?

[Jason then bumps into a fat woman]

Customer #4: Jason...Jason...JAAASSOOONNN!

[Jason punches her through her mouth]

Customer #4: Urk!

[Jason slices an employee with his machete]

Employee: Ack!

[Jason slices an old man with a shopping cart]

Customer #5: No! Oh God no! Urp!

[Jason grabs another customer and impales her on stacked hooks]

Customer #6: Urkkkk! Ahhhk!

Caroline: He's killing them all!

Bree: Dead...dead...dead.

Caroline: Ash we've got to do something! Ash?

[Ash then ran off]

Caroline: Ash! Where are you going? You're The Chosen One! We stop him without you!

The Manager: Caroline get the shoppers out of here and call the police! We need to--

[Caroline points to Jason behind him]

The Manager: Hm?

[Jason grabs the clipboard and decapitates the manager's head off]

The Manager: Aarrghkk!

Caroline: AIIIEEEE!

[Caroline saw Jason trying to reach The Necronomicon from Bree]

Caroline: Bree? It's the book! He wants the book!

[Ash then shoots Jason on the chest with his shotgun]

Ash: Yo Wayne Deadski! Hockey fan huh? You know they say a slap shot travels over a hundred miles an hour, but I find that buckshot goes a hell of a lot faster than that! Yee-hah!

[Ash then shoots Jason's machete off from his hand]

Ash: AHHHHH!

[Ash hits Jason with his chainsaw]

Ash: Hah-ha!

[Jason then grabs Ash's chainsaw]

Ash: Aw crap. Whoa there big fella no need to do anything...

[Jason swings Ash up in the air and slams him on the floor]

Ash: ...Craaaazzzzyyyy! AHHH!

[Jason throws Ash into a pile of boxes]

Ash: Ooof! Uhhhn. Uh oh.

[Jason then grabs Ash and hits him against a wall]

Ash: Uhnn! Ohhh.

[Jason then throws Ash against a vending machine. Caroline stabs in the shoulder with a knife]

Caroline: Leave him alone you bastard!

[Jason punches her away]

Caroline: Oof!

Bree: All dead...dead...dead.

[Jason grabs The Necronomicon from Bree and left The S-Mart]

Raoul: Holy shit man! He fuckin kills 'em all! Jason-Fucking-Voorhees!

Dave: Caroline are you alright? Christ that thing almost killed you.

Caroline: Yeah I think I'm okay. Where's Bree? Jason was after The Necronomicon.

[They all found Bree dead]

Caroline: Oh God Bree!

[Dave vomits]

Raoul: Damn face first through a wall.

Caroline: Quick let's get him out of there.

Ash: Uhhh... probably get docked for hat too.

[Caroline pulls Ash out of the vending machine]

Ash: We've got to...uhn...find some place to regroup.

Caroline: My parents were out of town--we can go to my place.

[Meanwhile at Jason's shack, Jason places The Necronomicon near Freddy's head. Freddy then opens The Necronomicon in a dream]

Freddy: Deadites, time vortexes, blah, blah, blah. Ahhh... here we go. Resurrection passages and... what's this? Waking nightmares? Sounds right up my alley. Klattu Verata Nikto!

[The transformation sequence shows up in Jason's shack]

Jason: [?]

Freddy: I'm baaaack! Hahahaha! I guess they were right about print being dead. Let's see if we can't find some kids who were dying to read too. Well thanks for everything kiddo. Kind of makes up for you ripping my arms off and beating me with them before. Kind of. Have fun hacking up campers and virgins. Kill a few for me.

[Jason grabs Freddy by the arm]

Freddy: Talk abouta one-trick pony. Ah well can't all have artistic flair like yours truly huh? So brainless boy remembers the bargain eh? Well a deal's a deal I suppose. Come 'ere let's see if a few words from the book can breathe life into those dead head brain cells of yours.

[Freddy uses The Necronomicon's powers to make Jason intellegient. We cut to Caroline's house]

Ash: All right let's go over this again. Jason Voorhees was some kind of Deadite vengance demon. He drowns because of slacking teens at a summer camp and came back to kill anyone that gets in his way so why whould he want The Necronomicon? According to legend, this guy doesn't have enough brain power to read "Sam I Yam" much less The Book of The Dead.

Caroline: There has to be someone or something else behind Jason's determination to get the book.

Raoul: Yeah man a puppet master using Jason like his own strung up bitch.

Jarvis: So we got the cut the strings right? That way we can take'im down.

Ash: Right so we need to get that book back. It was voodoo-hoodoo in it that will send Jason to The Deadites' dimension. He can spend the rest of his day fighting it out with those half-dead halfwits. Serves i'm right. Now get some rest. In the morning, we'll go back to The Voorhees House and get the book. I'll just stay... awake and keep >yawn< watch until... dawn.

[Ash then woke up in a cabin from the first Evil Dead film]

Ash: Huh... wha? Musta dozed off... I. What the helll? My hand? How'd ... heh... i'm whole again. Like before the cabin in the woods. Before The Deadites ruined... ARRRGH!

[Ash's hand then suddenly turned into a Freddy hand]

Ash: MY HAND!

Freddy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ash: YOU BASTARDS! You took my hand again!

[End of Issue 3]

Issue 4

Ash: [Narrating] Knew it was too good to be true. The Deadites got into my right hand and it went bad years ago. So I lopped it off at the wrist. It was kind of a modern day "Farewell to Arms". Never read it myself, but the title says it all. That was the beginning of my time as The Chosen One.

[Ash runs out of the cabin]

Ash: [Narrating] This little scene is just the latest Deadite kick in the balls. When stuff like this happens to you regularly, you learn real quick to wear a cup every day. Hazard of the job and all.

Ash: Uhhnn... gotta get to the tool shed.

[Ash runs into a cabin]

Ash: Come on! Where is it?

[Ash found a chainsaw]

Ash: Ah... there we go.

[Ash sliced his possessed right hand with a chainsaw]

Ash: YAAARRRH! AHHHH! Tha's right. Uh-huh... that all you got? Yeah bad hand--that's been done before. Freakin Deadites got no imagination. Handled it then, can handle it now. Wait a bloody minute... This already to me back at the cabin. How's it happening again?

Freddy: HAHAHAHA!

Ash: What the hell?

[Ash's blood drops turns into tiny little Freddies]

Freddy Blood #1: What's the matter Ash? Having a little deja vu?

Freddy Blood #2: If the bloody trip down memory lane with you and your right hand got you all weepy-eyed for those quiet special nights, just what'll you see this one.

Freddy Blood #3: ...or two.

Freddy Blood #4: ...or three.

Freddy Blood #5: Come on boys. Let's boogie!

Ash: No. Not you little bastards again.

Freddy Blood #6: Welcome to our nightmares.

Freddy Blood #7: One, two little Freddies for you.

Freddy Blood: #8: Three, four better watch the floor.

Freddy Blood #9: Five, six gonna gut you quick.

Freddy Blood #10: Seven, eight watch us coagulate.

Freddy: Nine, ten Freddy's whole again. Ahhh... that's better. It's good to be back. Finally out of that masked Jason's freakish skull. I mean really there are only so many times one can stand the dueling banjos and screwing-your-mother fantasies before even a bastard like me will lose it.

Ash: Look I don't know what kind of effed-up Deadite your are or how you brought me back here to the cabin, but you saved me the hassle of tracking down your flame boiling ass. I'm here for The Necronomicon. Hand it over and we can finish this undead dance once and for all.

Freddy: Oh i'm no Deadite. Name's Krueger. Freddy Krueger and this is the dream scape my little corner of the world to do with as I please. All the world's my plaything and while you're here sleeping beauty i'm the king. Now then let's get the business "at hand" shall we? I need The Necronomicon and you and those meddling pimple poppers are going to help me get it, but first let's play a little game of pin n the claw on the Elvis impersonator shall we? HAHAHAHA! "Thank yew thank yew very much!".

[Freddy throws a Freddy hand at Ash]

Ash: Woah!

[Ash shoots the Freddy hand with his shotgun]

Ash: Yeah see i've never been very good at party games. 'Cept ones involving pretty chicks and dark closets. So let's try a different game. Something like "Truth of Die". Now make with the answers dead astaire.

Freddy: Awww... you killed my wittle pet and before he got a chance to sow his wild seeds.

[Freddy shows Ash multiple Freddy hands]

Freddy: But wait... apparently you weren't fast enough to stop mother nature. You know that little talk... "The Blades And The Bees?" seems these little buggers multiply jack-rabbits and now it's time to for you to say hello to my little friends.

[The Freddy hands charges at Ash]

Ash: If this is a dream, it'd be a great time to wake up. NOW! Gun barrel!

[Ash woke up from his dream]

Ash: YEAAHHH! Burned--how? Unless... What happens in the nightmare, happens in the real world. The kids! Get up! Everyone get up!

Caroline: Ash? What happened?

Jarvis: What the hell man? I was just gettin busy with.

Caroline: Dave won't wake up.

Ash: Come on kid! Wake up before it's too late!

[In Dave's dream, he's in a gym]

Chet: What the--?

The Coach: All right boy and girls time to pick sides. Chet and Selma you're the team captains.

Chet: I'll take Fat Willie, Easy Suzy and Ted The Sp'ed.

Selma: I'll take Betty Blue Balls, Pencil Dick and Two-Ton Thelma.

Dave: Um... what about me?

Chet: Oh no! I'm not taking Dickless Dave. You take him for The Dyke Squad.

Selma: No freakin way! I'm not taking him. You take him!

The Coach: Hey, hey, hey break it up! Neither one of you has to take him.

[The Coach was later revealed to be Freddy]

Freddy: Dickless Davy here thinks he has a shot with perky little Caroline in chemistry class, but what little whore only like the jocks. What say we see how big your balls are boy? You up for a little "Dodge or Die?"

Dave: You're all crazy! I've gotta get outta here!

[The players throw dodgeballs at him]

Dave: No please! Just let me out of here!

Dave: AHHHH! UHHNN! Oh God no.

[Dave coughs blood in the real world]

Dave: URK!

Caroline: No! Davy!

Jarvis: What the hell is going on?

Ash: Krueger's got him in the dream. If we don't get him up now, he ain't coming back.

[Meanwhile in Dave's dream]

Freddy: Man up.

Chet: Come on kid. Walk it off.

Selma: Rub some dirt on it.

Dave: Please... please...

Freddy: Give up pretty boy? Oh well. Balls to the wall kids.

[Freddy blows the whistle. Dave was later killed by more dodgeballs in his dream and dies in the real world]

Caroline: DAVY!

[Freddy emerges from a portal]

Freddy: AHAHAHAHA! That felt soooo good. I'm finally strong enough to get my hands a little dirty. That ought to shake up the little gaggle of brats. It seems that we have a self proclaimed hero among the sheep of Crystal Lake and he's on his way here to stop us from using the book. Now listen up good gimpy--here's your part. Take your rotted mommy's boy corpse out there and slaughter them when they show up. Take down this Ash Williams first. We can enjoy killing the kids afterwards. Now get out there and do some killing. I've got some heavy reading to do.

[Later Ash and the others drove to The S-Mart]

Ash: There's nothing you could have done Caroline. This Freddy Krueger is some kind of Deadite that kills people while they sleep. If we didn't wake up, we'd be dead too. Dave would want us to take these monsters down. The cops split hours ago, but we still have to be careful. Let's get the gear we need and then we can go after the book. Stock up on weapons and explosives. Raoul and Jarvis take this list and start shopping. Carrie and I will grab the rest of the supplies and meet you back here. The faster--the better come on. Chop-chop.

Raoul: This is so screwed up man. Dave was a dweeb, but damn I don't wanna end up like that. Freakin squashed like a roach.

Jarvis: What choice do we have? Either hacked into pieces by Jason or killed in your sleep by Freddy? We're boned man!

Caroline: What are we going to do Ash?

Ash: Keep it together sweet-cheeks. We just need to get the book. Once i've got The Necronomicon, we can send both of these dead heads to Hell. Just stay with the program. Don't do something movie-chick stupid and we'll be just fine.

[Ash and the others arrived at The Voorhees House]

Ash: Next stop Voorhees Central. Let's do this boy and girls. Let's rig up the explosives over there on the porch. We'll lure that tall, dark and undead to this spot and bring the whole house down on him.

[Ash grabs something from the back of Caroline's minivan]

Ash: I'm going to go inside to get the book to get the book. As long as we don't fall asleep, we shouldn't have to worry about Freddy.

Caroline: Ash what are you doing?

[Ash took out a silver chainsaw from the back of Caroline's minivan]

Ash: Upgrading to chain lighting. Oh yeah. This baby can cut through a steel beam--it ought to make quick work of ol' slap shot if he shows up before we get the book. All righty then it's sugary time baby.

[Ash kiised Caroline]

Ash: This is it. Remember--when you see Jason, lead him back here to the explosives. Toss the bait and take cover. Carrie hide in the van and when that old dead head steps onto the porch, click the remote and blow him to bits n kibbles. Now this is most important part. Don't get killed. I have enough blood on my hands to last a lifetime. I don't need a couple of dipshit kids and another cute girl to die because I couldn't take down the demons quick enough.

Caroline: Ash... be careful.

[We cut to Raoul and Jarvis searching for Jason in the woods with flashlights]

Raoul: Man what the hell was we thinkin' volunteering for this?

Jarvis: Don't worry bro. You an' me gonna take out this prick.

Raoul: He's like the zombies from some horror flick--you know the slow movin' fomos that stop and growl for brains or sumthin' before they rip off the hot chick's short an' gnaw on her knobs. Hah i'd like to gnaw on Caroline's knobs for a while Dig.

Jarvis: True dat, but... hey what's that?

[Suddenly they bumped into Jason]

Jarvis: Shit! He's here! LOOK OUT!

[Raoul trips over and Jason steps harder on a log which breaks into 2 pieces]

Raoul: WHOA!

Jarvis: Run! Freakin run!

Raoul: Get to the hiding spot!

[Raoul and Jarvis ran out of the woods and ran to Caroline's minivan]

Raoul: Wait! Gotta plant the bait!

[Raoul and Jarvis hides on the other side of Caroline's minvan]

Raoul: Shit Jarv. I just pissed myself.

Jarvis: Shhh... he's takin' the bait.

[Jason looks into the bag that has the explosives inside. Caroline watches him outside from her minivan]

Caroline: No. He can't know it's a trap. He can't.

[Jason wiggles his finger and takes out another machete and starts approaching Caroline]

Caroline: No! Oh God!

[We cut to Ash going down into the basement looking for The Necronomicon]

Ash: All right where are you? I know you're in there.

[Ash found The Necronomicon with Freddy's fedora on the table]

Ash: Ah-ha! The Necromonicon Excrapus the book of shitty dead. Now let's get those banishment passages and finish this.

[Freddy stabs Ash behind him with his bladed glove]

Ash: AARRGH!

Freddy: Oops... did I do that? Shame shame shame so klutzy... I need to work on my blade/eye coordination for the future.

Ash: Krueger!

Freddy: In the charcoal-burned flesh. Now if you don't mind, please hand over my book. Thanks to you and that little blistered tome, i'm finally free of Jason and ready to show these kids what real terror is.

Ash: Wait how are you here? Did I fall asleep?

Freddy: "Did I fall asleep? Did I fall asleep?" stop your sniveling pussy. Thanks to those Deadite passages, i'll have dominion over the waking and dream worlds. So just hand it over and the children of Elm Streets everywhere will suffer day and night like never before.

Ash: Yeah keep talking Shredded Beef. I'm The Chosen One--at least that's what they keep telling me--and my buisiness is putting down possessed creeps like you. I'll stop you before you read the book and send your shrivelded ass back to "Neverland" with the rest of you limp-wristed glove-wearing pansies.

Freddy: Stop me? STOP ME! Oh that's rich. You can't stop me.

[Freddy release orange yellow glowing Deadite heads everywhere]

Freddy: I did it 10 minutes ago. HAHAHAHAA!

[We cut to Jason seeing the orange yellow glowing Deadite heads everywhere outside. He was pissed and turns around to his old house. We later cut to Ash fighting more Freddy hands]

Ash: Already did it. Dammit. I shoulda see that coming.

[Ash shoots a one of the Freddy hands with his shotgun]

Ash: YAHH!

[The Freddy hands snatches Ash's chainsaw from the right metal hand]

Ash: AARRGH! Ah shit.

[The Freddy hands pinned Ash on a wall]

Freddy: Hahahaha. Now that's what I call a "hand job". Looks like the "Chosen One" is about to check out.

[Jason then crashes through a door in rage]

Freddy: What's this? All I did for you and now you want to pick a fight? What would mommy dearest have to say? Well.. I happen to know a few people that have a fight to pick with you.

[Freddy summons Jason's victims as Deadites]

Deadite Jason Victim #1: AAARRR!

Freddy: Rise Voorhees victims past and present. This is your chance to give Jason a little taste of his own sour medicine.

Deadite Jason Victim #2: JAAAASSON!

Deadite Jason Victim #3: DIIEEEEE!

[Jason's past victims drags him and attacks him while he was trying to reach Freddy]

Freddy: HAHAHAHAHA!

[End of Issue 4]

Issue 5

Freddy: Come on Jason. It's time to break out the beans and wieners. 'Cause your old Camp Crystal Lake buddies are just dying to see you again.

Deadite Voorhees Victim #4: AAARRR!

Deadite Voorhees Victim #5: DIIEEEEE!

Deadite Voorhees Victim #6: KILLL YOUUUU!

Deadite Voorhees Victim #7: TAAAKKE YOUUU TOOO HELLLL!

[Jason tries to grab his machete, but a Freddy hand snatches it away from him]

Freddy: Well lookie here. Crystal Campateers! It appears that my little helping hands have found a prize.

[The Freddy hand impales Jason through his back with his own machete]

Jason: [!]

Freddy: Oh! Those lil' ankle biters are wicked. You just can't turn your back on them--unless you want to end up with the business of a knife tickling your ribcage from the inside, but I guess you already get "the point huh dumb-ass?". HAHAHAHAHA!

[Jason tries to free himself from his past victims]

Freddy: Dumb as a stump and strong as an ox. You just don't quit do you? Well Uncle Freddy has to run. Been nice seeing you, but I can't stand around all day playing grabass with you. The Necronomicon and I have some plans to set in motion. With it's power, we're going to start bringing new waking nightmares to all children of the world and it all starts with...

[Freddy turns around and realises that Ash and The Necronomicon were gone]

Freddy: ...My book? Where's my... no... WILLIAMS!

[We cut to Ash running with The Necronomicon outside. Freddy's giant head appears]

Freddy: WHERE'S MY GODDAMNED BOOK!

Ash: *Huff huff huff*

[The Deadite possessed trees began to attack Ash]

The Deadite Possessed Trees: RRROOOAHHH!

Ash: What the--?

[The Deadite possessed trees grabs Ash with their vines]

Ash: AAHHH! Woah WOAH! Deadite possessed trees? Let me down! Damn you Krueger! Get outta my head and come up with your own ideas!

[Ash gets surrounded by Deadite possessed crows]

Ash: I'm gonna rip that thriller right off your hand and shove it up your pansy hat-wearin ass! Wait a minute... nice birdie-birds. See if I don't. Um.. early bird gets the worm right? Why don't you flap those dime-stores feather-dusters on outta here and...

[Ash later gets attacked by Deadite possessed crows]

Ash: AHHHH! Get off! Get-off!

[One of the Deadite possessed crows scratches Ash's left cheek with it's claws from it's leg]

Ash: AARRGH! All right, all right... you like that huh? You like the taste of Ash do ya? Well i'll fix ya. Ha-ha! I'll fix ya good!

[Ash bites grabs one of the Deadite possessed crows with his teeth and bites it]

Ash: ARRRRRAAH! Hob yab lipe dat yap fuben buwds! Chipen wins anywom? BWAHAHAHA!

[Ash spits out the Deadite possessed crow]

Ash: *Ptew* Damn I need a breath mint. Birds taste like Deadite ass. Come on, come on... just a little further...

[Ash tried to start his chainsaw]

Ash: ...Just a bit more.

[Ash's chainsaw got started]

Ash: It's GO time.

[Ash slices the vines with his chainsaw]

Ash: YAAHH!

[Ash slices all the Deadite possessed trees with his chainsaw]

Ash: YEAH!

[Ash heard a Deadite possessed crow flying behind him. He shoots it with his shotgun]

Ash: Oh yeah... hail to the king birdies. HAIL TO THE KING! That'll teach ya. Gotta find the kids and read the passages. Not much time before Krueger and Jason come looking for The Necronomicon and--

[Ash found the dead bodies of Raoul and Jarvis]

Ash: Aw no... DAMN! I told you kids to be careful. Son of a bitch. I should've been here to save 'em.

[Ash looked at the necklace on his hand]

Ash: Caroline. Just like Linda and sugar-baby. Why can't I just save one of them? WHY damn it!

Caroline: Ash is that you? ASH!

Ash: CARRIE!

[Ash and Caroline hugged each other]

Ash: Oh baby. I thought I lost you too.

Caroline: I... I hid while he did it. I thought Jason was coming for me next. I thought I was going to die too. Then he just stopped. It was like he heard something and just walked away.

[Suddenly they saw Freddy's face and head as clouds in the sky]

Ash: Damn! We've got to get under cover NOW! Krueger's coming!

[Ash and Caroline ran into The Voorhees House]

Ash: That psycho used The Necronomicon and now he can manipulate more than dreams. I don;t know how, but now he's free in out world and he can change reality faster than he changes Bleached-Blonde Bunny Bimbos. The book has the power to banish Freddy and Jason to to The Deadite Dimension. I've seen it first hand. Hell... i've been sucked up and spit out by it so many times I practically have a timeshare in 3 other dimensions. So we find the right passage, say the magic words and let the book do it's dirty deed.The rift opens and Freddy and Jason get sucked up like a Sunday whore on a blow pop and they can duke it out with those possessed Deadite bastards for eternity. Let someone besides me deal with their dumb ass antics and pranks serves 'em both right.

[Suddenly The Necronomicon opens itself]

The Necronomicon: AAARRROOOAAAHH!

Ash: LOOK OUT!

Caroline: AHHH!

[The Necronomicon shows Freddy Krueger, Jason and Pamela Voorhees]

Caroline: That's Freddy, Pamela and Jason Voorhees. I remember seeing photos in some old news clippings m mom had. Freddy must have seen all this in Jason's head. That must be how he figured out that The Book of The Dead could be used to bring him back. What's she doing with The Necronomicon? Did the old hag use it to bring Jason back?

Ash: Wait a minute does this mean Jason was some kind of Deadite? You putrid parchment. You've been bringing these monsters in our world for eons and causing more pain and suffering than all the daytime talk shows combined! Well you're gonna help us put this right. You got that ink stain? Quid pro quote. All right you take the book and read the passages. I'll keep Freddy and Jason busy while you use it to send these 2 back to Hell. When the time comes. you have to say the words "Klaatu Verata Nikto". All the words trust me you have to say every syllable or it won't work.

[They heard Freddy's laugh]

Freddy: HAHAHAHAHA!

Ash: They're here. Find the pages and use the book. I'll take out the trash.

[They all went outside]

Ash: All right Krueger. You want the book? You think you can take it from me? THEN COME GET IT! Come on what are you waiting for? I've taken down creeps 10 times worse than you and your little limp-wristed slasher sthick. I've worked retail for 10 years. Now that's scary... huh?

[Ash and Caroline find theirselves at 1428 Elm St.]

Little Girl #1: One, two Freddy's comin' for you.

Little Girl #2: Three, four better lock you door.

Little Girl #1 And 2: Five six grab your crufix.

Ash: What the Hell? You kids get outta here. Go on get home! It's not safe here!

Little Girl #1 And 3: Seven, eight gonna stay up late.

[Freddy shows up and drags Caroline inside The Voorhees House]

Caroline: AAIIEEEE!

Ash: CARRIE! Krueger get your claws offa her!

[Ash got grabbed in the neck by a rope]

Ash: ACK!

Little Girl #3: Nine, ten never sleep again.

Deadite Possessed Girl #2: [Singing] Lit-tle Ash-ley Wil-liams we're gonna getcha, we're gonna getcha.

Deadite Possessed Girl #3: What's wrong Ashley? Aren't you gonna save us? You're a hero Ashley.

[One of the Deadite possessed girls jumped on Ash]

Ash: Gkkk...

Deadite Possessed Girl #3: You're The Chosen One aren't cha? Well I don't wanna be saved. I wanna swallow your soul.

[The jump rope turns into a Freddy snake]

Freddy Snake: It'ssss a sssshame... kidsss today huh? They jusssst don't resssspect their elderssss...

[Ash managed to free himself]

Ash: KKkkaahh.

[Ash shoots the Deadite possessed girl with his shotgun and he slices the other one with his chainsaw]

Deadite Possessed Girl #2: NO... NO.... NOOOOO! AARAGH! AHAHHH!

Freddy Snake: But maybe they'll resssspect their dead elderssss a little more. LET"SSSS FIND OUT!

[Ash kills the last Deadite possessed girl with his chainsaw]

Deadite Possessed Girl #1: We live! We LIVE STILLLAAAHAHAHA!

Ash: Little girls shoudn't play with snakes.

[Ash throws the Freddy snake on the ground]

Ash: Everyone knows how the story of The Serpent And The Garden of Eden turned out, but this time, you can keep the promises and the apple.

[Ash shot the Freddy snake with his shotgun]

Ash: Don't need 'em as long as I have the boomstick.

[We cut to Jason walking towards The Voorhees House inside a magic force]

Freddy: What have we here? My, my, my sweet cherry pie.

[We cut to Freddy with Caroline]

Freddy: I'm so glad you saved that cherry for me Caroline. I can tie a knot in a pumpkin stem with this bad boy. Wait till you see what I can do to you with it.

[Freddy then licks Caroline]

Caroline: Get off of me you sick bastard!

[Freddy later slaps Caroline]

Caroline: UHNN!

Freddy: *Sigh* You wanna play with the bad boys, but aren't willing to suck a little prune face. Just a little retail-clerk tease aren't cha? Now give me my book bitch before I rip your guts out through your ass!

[Jason then crashes into a door]

Freddy: You again? What makes you think you can touch me? I'm not your damn wet nurse you brainless hillbilly freak.

[Freddy stomps harder on the wooden floor and it hits Jason]

Freddy: I'm a God now! This is my world now pissant and I don't need you or your rotted brain anymore.

[Freddy hits Jason with more pieces of the wooden floor]

Freddy: OHHH! I'm your crushing head, i'm crushing your head. HAHAHAHAHA!

[Freddy hits Jason with pieces of the wooden floor 1 more time]

Freddy: They used to call me a homewrecker. Guess now you know why huh?

[Ash later show up moments later]

Ash: Read the passages while they're beating the shit out of each other!

[Caroline looks for the passage in one of The Necronomicon's pages]

Caroline: Here it is. KLATTU! VERATA!

[Jason turns around when he hears Caroline reading the passage]

Caroline: NICT-AAAHHH!

[Jason snatches The Necronomicon from Caroline when she almost read the passage]

Ash: All right Slap Shot. You like hockey huh? Well it's time for a face off!

[Ash shot Jason's mask off with his shotgun and it fell on the floor with it's lower part gone]

Ash: Damn you're one ugly mother...

[We look at Jason's disfigured face]

Ash: I think the ugly stick got beat with your face. Hey Stumpy how do you stop an unkillable monster offing the girl and taking the book?

[Ash slices Jason's left arm with his chainsaw]

Ash: You dis-arm him. Quick Carrie get the book!

[Caroline takes The Necronomicon from Jason's decapitated arm]

Caroline: Got it!

Ash: Now the get Hell outta here and read the passages! Open the portal and send these bastards back to Hell!

[Jason has an idea and places his machete in his stump arm]

Ash: Nice. I guess it's true what they say. There are no original ideas left.

Freddy: If your're done dancing with your boyfriend Jason, we have a little unfinished buisness here.

[Jason throws Ash off]

Ash: UGHNN!

[Ash crashed through a window. He fell on the ground and The Voorhees House collapses]

[End of Issue 5]

Issue 6

[We look at pieces of The Voorhees House splattered all over the ground]

Caroline: Wake up Ash. Please!

Ash: [Narrating] I know what you're thinking. Right about now you're saying "Oh no The Chosen One is dead. Who's gonna kill the boogie men, save the girl and get me a popcorn refill?". Well I hate to disappoint you, but this zombie-dismembering salesclerk doesn't get paid enough to play nursemaid to a bunch of pantywaist moviegoers. After all, i'm a little busy here. You know fighting for my life. Sure I look like a drunken yard gnome on the corner lot of Voorhees and Krueger now, but just like you don't step on The King's blue suede shoes, you can't put this Detroit Deadite stomper down with a little plate glass to the face.

Caroline: Ash I need you. I can't do this on my own. Please wake up. Get up! Get up! Get up! I... oh no...

[Caroline saw Freddy emerging from the remains of The Voorhees House]

Ash: [Narrating] I'll be back... just gimme a few minutes will ya?

Freddy: HAHAHAHAHA!

Ash: [Narrating] You ever hear of a "Eureka moment?". The eggheads say it's when you have some big revelation. It could be a problem you've wrestled with for years or a nagging concern that finally gets worked out.

Freddy: Guess we really brought the house down eh babe?

Ash: [Narrating] It can even be that moment when you realize that no matter what you do, you're screwed. Next in line for the slice and dice on the last train to Vegas and lost your ticket. About to go swimming with the fishes and I ain't talking about dolphins here.

Freddy: Now bring your sweet little ass over here... AND GIVE ME BACK MY BOOK!

Ash: [Narrating] That's where my gal Carrie is right now.

[We then cut to Caroline running towards a frozen lake with sheds above it]

Caroline: I have to keep the book away from him.

Ash: [Narrating] All she knows is that her 1 ticket out of Dullsville and away from these 2 monsters is unconscious while she runs for her life.

Caroline: Gotta hide! I can hide in here until Ash... oh God Ash!

Ash: [Narrating] All victims start to think the same thing at times like this. I kinda believe it's that very reaction that drives some of these monsters to do what they do. They feed on the fear and lap it up like a wino with a 2 dollar bottle of hooch.

Caroline: He's not going to find me... He's not going to find me!

Ash: [Narrating] Krueger lives for it.

Freddy: One, two Freddy's coming for you. Hahahaha. You can't hide Goldilocks. This Papa Bear is hungry and he's got pubescent porridge on the menu tonight.

Ash: Lives long past his natural life by drinking in the misery he causes and the fear he generates. Lives for the sheer terror in the eyes of his victims as they face their inevitble deaths at his merciless blades.

Freddy: Whatta we have here? A little game of cat and mouse? Well you're in luck little girl. I like playing the role of the pussy-cat. Especially when the mouse is a little pink-tailed whore.

[Freddy blows up the first shed with The Necronomicon's power]

Freddy: Are you under here? Whoops.

[Freddy blows up the second shed]

Freddy: How about here?

Caroline: It's not real... not real... not real... No!

[Freddy picks up the third and last shed, blows it up and found Caroline]

Freddy: Ahhhh! There you are.

Caroline: Oh God!

Freddy: God? Is that what you want? I can give you God.

[Freddy slices his chest and stomach with his bladed glove and oozes out black blood]

Freddy: This is my body. It is your bread. This is my blood. It is your wine. Bread and wine all for you Caroline. Now eat me bitch! HAA-HAHAHA!

Caroline: AIIEEEEE!

[Freddy snatches The Necronomicon from Caroline]

Freddy: HAHAHAHAHA! I'll take The Necronomicon choir girl. Wouldn't want to get blood all over it when I cut you from bitchbox to whore hole.

[Freddy then notices Jason behind him]

Freddy: What now? I suppose I should have expected this. You just can't die like a good little tard can you? All right let's have some fun then. You feel safe coming out here after me on this solid lake surface huh? You know hat waits below don't you? It's time for those pesky swimming classes you failed back at camp Jason. Better get your floaties on li'l fella. Cause i'm pump you so fulla water you'll burst like an overextended water balloon.

[Freddy shoots blood at Jason]

Freddy: HAHAHAHAHA!

[Jason slices Freddy's head in half]

Freddy: Can you lost keep it down please? I've got a splitting headache. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Freddy puts his head back together]

Freddy: I'm afraid you're going to have to try alot harder than that. Thanks to The Necronomicon, i'm quite beyond killing with your little toys and since you don't want to be good little undead camper and die, i've got another plan for you.

[Freddy freezes Jason with ice breath]

Freddy: All right you hill billy shitsicle. You're going for a little ride on Necronomicon Air. There's a little passage in here that will send you to a place where you'll never bother me again. The Deadites should enjoy your company with their non-stop blathering. You should have an endless supply of kills to keep you busy. Oh the suffering that shall come. The sweet, sweet suffering and after you're gone for good, i'll finish reading the book and remake the world in my "divine" image. KLATTU! VERATA! NICKT-huh?

[Freddy then notices a car coming towards. It hits him and it's Ash who is driving his car to hit Freddy]

Freddy: OOOF! You again? Don't you know when to stay down?

Ash: Sorry hash brown. I only go down on 1 thing and it sure as shit ain't the wrinkled ass likes of you!

[Ash stops his car which sends Freddy flying in the air]

Freddy: Whoaaaa!

[Freddy crashes into a tree]

Ash: Oohhh! Well I got some bad news for you dreamer boy. I'm a 35 year old clock puncher at a department store. My life has been 1 horror after another thanks to The Necronomicon and The Deadites. I've had to dismember my friends and lovers hile they scream and beg for me to stop. All to stop this book from destroying the world. You might think that whatever pain transformed you into a creature you are now was the worst thing you've ever felt.

[Ash kicked Freddy in the face]

Ash: You ain't seen nothin yet.

[Ash hits Freddy with his shotgun]

Freddy: UHNNPH!

[Ash punched Freddy with his metal hand]

Freddy: URGK!

[Ash shot Freddy in the balls with his shotgun]

Ash: Oh! That 's gotta leave a mark. What the Hell are you smiling at no-nuts?

Freddy: Uh-oh.

[Freddy points to show Ash behind and it's Jason. He tries to smash Ash to death, but missed]

Ash: Heh... close one, but the old Williams luck is still--

[Ash then suddenly fell on the bottom of the frozen lake]

Ash: [!]

[We later cut to Freddy and Jason preparing to fight]

Freddy: I'm almost glad you're back. That guy talks way too much. Well you gonna prance around here or are you gonna dance?

[We briefly see Csaroline taking The Necronomicon while they're fighting. Jason then tries to slash Freddy, but missed]

Freddy: Hahahaha! Swimg and a miss! Didn't that meat-sweater-wearing-dyke-of-a-mother teach you how to play ball?

[Freddy later duplicates 4 clones of himslef]

Freddy: I learned from my brothers Freddy, Freddy, Freddy and Freddy and the first thing they taught me was strength in numbers. GET HIM!

[Freddy and his clones starts to attack Jason]

[Ash managed to get out of the frozen lake and used his chainsaw and metal hand to get out of it]

Ash: *Kaafff kaaff kafff* All right. *Huff* Who wants-- *kaff* some?

[Jason kills all of Freddy's clones]

Freddy: You... you killed Freddy. Enough screwing around. It's time to--

Ash: Hey limp dicks...

[Ash shoots behind Jason which creates a hole]

Ash: ...Come get some.

[Ash sliced Freddy with his chansaw]

Ash: YEAH!

[Jason whacks Ash]

Ash: OOF! Huh? Carrie... THE BOOK! For God's sake Carrie read the damned passage! Send these bastards to Hell!

[Ash kicked Jason in the balls and was grabbed by Jason in the neck. Jason later throws Ash at Freddy]

Ash: OH SHIIIIITTTTT!

[Freddy creates a force field to block Ash]

Freddy: So the little bastard finally figured out how to play catch? Too bad it's just a little too late. The Necronomicon gave me the power to bend reality to my fancy.

Ash: Oof!

Freddy: That means I don't have to stay here playing grabass with you 2 half-wits. There's a whole world of kids just waiting for my personal brand of terror.

Ash: This would be a really good time to read the damned passages Carrie!

Caroline: Um... KLATTU VERATA NIKTU!

Freddy: What... Whar did you do?

[The opens and drags Freddy]

Freddy: No! I'm not leaving!. It's my time! It's FINALLY MY TIME!

Ash: Yeah! It's working! The vortex is sending them to The Deadites' realm!

Caroline: ASH! I can;t hold on--it's pulling me in too!

Ash: DON'T LET GO! You just have to hang on for a few more... oh no...

[Ash saw Jason who can resist the portal sucking]

Ash: He's too strong!

[Jason starts walking towards them. Ash tried to start his chainsaw]

Ash: Come on come on start. Damn it!

[The Necronomicon flew away from Caroline]

Caroline: THE BOOK!

[Jason tries to kill Ash and Caroline, but Ash's car hits Jason from behind him and crashes into the frozen lake. Freddy then grabs The Necronomicon]

Freddy: There you are. Now let's see this travesty right.

[The Necronomicon flew away from Freddy and into the portal]

Freddy: NO! I need the book! don't you see... I neeeed thaaaat boooook! NOOOOOO!

[Freddy gets sucked right into the prtal and it closes. We later cut to Ash and Caroline when it's morning]

Ash: [Narrating] I didn't realize it at the time, but now that it's over, it all seems so clear.

Ash: Enjoy your time at Club Deadite Krueger. It's a hell of a place to visit, but you're gonna be resident there from here on out,

Caroline: Shut up Ash. Now gimme some sugar baby.

Ash: [Narrating] I came to Crystal Lake by coincidence--or so I thought, but it wasn't a random transfer or a punishment for destroying the original S-Mart location that brought me here.

Caroline: Is it really over Ash? Are Freddy and Jason finally gone for good?

Ash: [Narrating] It was fate. I was destined to save the world from the terrors of The Deadites.

[Ash and Caroline went onto their minivan]

Ash: I don't know. The Deadites seem to keep coming back no matter what I do.

Ash: [Narrating] The Chosen One would track down The Necronomicon and stop the ancient monsters from entering our world and plaguing the living.

Ash: There's only 1 thing I know for sure. It's over...

Ash: [Narrating] But I didn't realize that The Necronomicon itself was changing reality to bring me here. I think it was actually afraid what Freddy could do with the Kandarian power squirreled away in it's bloody pages. No doubt part of it hoped i'd be killed in the crossfire, but in the end, the monsters and the book were banished to the dread dimension of The Deadites The Evil Dead. Serves 'em right.

[Ash and Caroline drives away in their minivan]

Ash: ...For now.

Ash: [Narrating] That leaves just me, the boom stick and the hot chick. It's not exactly a fairy tale ending, but it's good enough for me.

[We later cut to a shot of the frozen lake and the morning sky]

Ash: [Narrating] After all, it's very good to be The King.

[The portal opens and drops The Necronomicon on the frozen lake above the knocked out Jason. It opens itself and showing Ash and other people preparing to fight Freddy. Jason then opens his eyes]

[End of Issue 6]

The End

Trivia

  • This was the first and only Friday The 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street comic that takes place in the holidays since there's Christmas decorations that the employees were stacking and carolers that Jason kills them despite the fact that this comic takes place on December 2008.
  • In the break room, Caroline mentions about copycats. She might be possibly referring to Roy Burns a copycat of Jason from Friday The 13th Part V A New Beginning. She also mentions about a killer in Manhattan who they thought it was Jason. She was referring to the events of Friday The 13th Part VIII Jason Takes Manhattan.
    • One of Roy Burns' victims also appears in it when Freddy summons Jason's victims to destroy him.
    • Also in Friday The 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, it was really Jason that was in Manhattan.
  • In Ash's narration at the beginning of Issue 3,he mentions about a trick or treater is a couple of months late for Halloween. He is referring to Jason because of his hockey mask and machete.
    • Also when Ash is fighting him in The S-Mart, he thinks Jason was a fan of hockey because of his hockey mask.
  • This was the fourth crossover horror comic. The first was Jason vs. Leatherface, the second was Army of Darkness vs Re-Animator and the third was Hack/Slash vs Chucky.
  • Jarvis' first name might be a reference to Tommy Jarvis' last name.
  • When Raoul and Jarvis were searching for Jason in the woods, Raoul says that Jason was like those zombies from some horror flick. He might be reffereing to George A. Romero's film Night of The Living Dead.
  • A script for a film adaptation was made, but the film was never made and never released.

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